I consider myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world, trapped on an island without Coronavirus, but there are still days when I long for home or a hug from a loved one. Sometimes the blue skies feel a little emptier knowing your family and friends are on another continent. You can’t see tropical beaches and sunshine if your mind is somewhere else.
Some days I face strong internal battles of guilt. I miss home and feel a little lonely, but simultaneously know that quarantine doesn’t get much better than this. So my mind chatters along, one half feeling invincible and the second half trying to drag the first half down a dark canyon of anxiety.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to emotionally deal with this global conundrum, but comparing myself to the position of others definitely emphasizes the guilt factor on days when I feel upset. Why should I have anything to feel bad about, living here in beautiful Koh Tao? Most people are at home in a city or suburb somewhere. Why do my feelings deserve any validation?
The hardest thing for me is accepting all of these feelings when they arise. Everyone is handling this situation in their own way, and I have to remind myself that IT’S OKAY feel upset, regardless of where I am. If we try to push away our feelings, they only become more intense.
I also think that as a society we have a tendency to continually compare our lives to one another. *cough* thanks social media *cough* As a result, we continuously feel invalidated. There is always someone better or worse off than we are, and if you get caught in that bind you will never be able to feel happy in such a limbo state of comparison. Your sanity and well being will float off into gravity-devoid space, losing its shape and form.
While some days are harder than others, I find comfort in talking to my family and friends. It doesn’t matter where I am in the world or what my situation is compared to others. I am grateful to be where I am, but also accept that it’s okay to feel whatever emotions may arise during this time. Everyone experiences things differently.
Whatever it is that you’re experiencing right now, just know that you’re not alone, and all of your feelings are valid. Find peace in your emotions. Accept them, feel them, embrace them. It is okay, and you will be okay, too.